I keep telling people that I’d like to die a filmmaker. A creator. An artist. I’m 28. What have I created?
A couple “short films” when I was an undergrad, yes in quotes, because honestly, they’re not good. They’re not only not good, they’re actually bad. Bad hammy acting, bad dialogue, silly, dumb scripts, you name it. Also, they’re not really films. They’ve been shot on handycams, camera phones, DSLRs on the odd occasion. Not that anyone shoots on film any more. I digress. Like I always do. Then some short film work for grad school. A couple unfinished music videos that I started as side projects but never got around to finishing because I left the editing to others, and everyone else is busy with their own stuff. No, I will not blame others. The fault lies entirely on me; I should’ve followed up. I AM trying to get another music video done, which hopefully sees completion. Then again, these are not original music videos. At least they’re not original songs. I wouldn’t be able to call them my own because I’m using copyrighted music. And we all know how that goes in the world today. You watch Kirby Ferguson’s video essays on everything being a remix, but tell that to the lawyers.
What other skills do I have? I can’t write music, can’t play any instrument. Is it too late to start? Some say it’s never too late, but if I start now, when will I finally get to be good enough to actually create something good and worthwhile out of it? I thought joining Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s website will force me to create something. Fat lot of good that did.
I value my sleep too much. That’s my problem, well at least one of my problems. Every day I make grand plans to wake up early and exercise and have a solid breakfast and then before you know it, it’s past 10 am and I’m late for work. Well, I’m technically never late, because we have flexible work hours, but who goes in to work at 11:30 am? Or noon? This lazy oaf, that’s who.
No, I know I’m not unique. There are a whole lot of people out there who haven’t figured out what they want to do in life. That was cute when I was in my early 20s but now it’s just showing up as being unprepared for life and lazy. 28. Holy shit. That’s on the wrong side of 25. I’m closer to 30 now. I should’ve figured stuff out by now. I’m not saying I should be rolling in money and have had a secure future by now (although some people are definitely retired before 30 in this day and age), but at least have figured out how I’m going to get to do what I want to do.
What I want to do. What do I want to do? I keep saying I want to be a filmmaker, but that’s just saying something. What steps am I taking to get there? I should be making more short films, vines whatever. Making, creating. That’s the only way to become a creator. I need be involved in the art of creation. If not films, then something. What skills do I have? I can’t write or play music, but I can write. Like I’m writing now. I’m not saying I’m a writer or that I have any formal instruction in writing. One can always learn. At least do what I’m doing now. Just write. Something. That’s the least I can do, I think. Start creating.
I see how I’m spending most my time. On YouTube. On Netflix. On Facebook. On fucking Facebook, all of the fucking time. Just watching, consuming. Eating my chips and junk food. I’m a consumer. I need to be on the other side. Be a creator. Create things. Good things, bad things. Create and throw it out at the world. Get feedback. Get better. Better late than never huh?
Better late than never. I’m 28. That’s not too late, is it? I mean, by the time I’m old, do you think modern medicine would’ve evolved to the point where most people are living beyond a 100 years? And living well? Even if not, I can still start now. I’m not 30 yet. I can start now, there’s a couple years left. I must make better use of my time. Two years. Create. Let’s start somewhere.